he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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