I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
