I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
