Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
