dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i already hear my dad disowning me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize