Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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