she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
