Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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