Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
