I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
