Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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