Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
