it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
