I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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