I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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