I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize