it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
how drunk are you?
Several
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
