you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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