How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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