i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
