I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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