All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
