Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
