Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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