i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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