we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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