she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
