Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
