everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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