Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
