peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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