Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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