It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
