Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
