That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
