I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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