Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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