This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
