Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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