Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
