I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize