Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
