we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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