This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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