I want to stick my p in your. b.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize