how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
