I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
