if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
