So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he shaved USA in his pubs
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
