i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
