hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
