Sorry, I don't speak sober.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
