my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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