no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you have to choose: penises or morals?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
