I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
