hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
