I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
