I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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