May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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