we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
