I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
